Give Your Relationships Room to Grow: How Space Helps Love Flourish
Imagine the universe at the very beginning: all matter and energy crammed into a single, infinitely dense point. With all that pent-up energy, it must have grown restless. In a sudden instant of unimaginable force, it exploded outward. Particles flew in every direction, creating space, light, and the possibility for everything that would come after. Galaxies, stars, planets, and life itself emerged—and in an ongoing, ever-present process of creation, the universe continues to expand, constantly making room for what comes next.
Just as Creation itself continues to unfold and expand, so too do our relationships—built through shared experiences—require openness and room to grow. This allows connections to stretch, evolve, and flourish in ways we can’t anticipate. Without room to expand, relationships feel cramped, constrained, and limited in their potential.
Think of it like planting a tree in a tiny pot: it might survive, but it will never reach its full height, thrive fully, or achieve lasting satisfaction. Giving a relationship space allows it to grow, develop, and surprise those involved in ways that might never have been imagined.
Healthy relationships aren’t static. They’re living, evolving systems. Just like galaxies and plants need room to grow, relationships need space to breathe, take shape, and thrive. Without enough room, even the strongest bonds can feel stuck or stifled.
Space Supports Growth—But Only in Fundamentally Healthy Relationships
Not all relationships benefit from added space. Without intentional effort and accountability from the partners involved, connections marked by manipulation, coercion, or chronic conflict rarely grow in a positive direction, no matter how much room is provided. In some cases, space can even allow harmful patterns to persist or escalate.
For example, Violet has a partner who constantly puts her down, demands things from her, and mocks her when she tries to express her emotions. When Violet stops playing volleyball to free up time and focus on “fixing” the relationship, she becomes more isolated and vulnerable—giving her partner more opportunity to take advantage. In situations like this, adding space does not foster growth; it simply exposes and can even worsen underlying toxicity.
In contrast, spaciousness can be transformative in healthy relationships where partners are willing and able to communicate openly and adapt to each other’s needs. Mars, for instance, has a partner, Jay, who currently lives with another partner but sees Mars regularly. Jay had been considering dating additional partners, but when Mars expressed that they already felt pressed for time together, Jay decided to put dating on hold for now. This intentional spaciousness allowed Mars to feel seen and supported, giving their relationship room to grow and thrive.
In other words, while intentional spaciousness around relationships can support flourishing, it cannot fix fundamental toxicity. Recognizing which relationships can truly benefit from space ensures that efforts to expand and nurture connections are invested where they will have the greatest impact.
Creating Space Around Relationships
Creating space around a relationship means giving it emotional, mental, and relational breathing room—the freedom for both the relationship itself and the partners involved to grow, evolve, and expand. This need for growth is universal across healthy romantic relationships, whether in monogamy or non-monogamy.
One practical way to create space is by adding buffer. Buffer means intentionally leaving room in your schedule, energy, and commitments so the relationship isn’t crowded or stretched too thin. This might include:
Declining additional responsibilities that could overwhelm relational capacity
Being mindful about introducing new partners or commitments too quickly
Making intentional choices about time and energy to allow relationships to expand naturally
By consciously adding buffer, relationships gain room to breathe, evolve, and adapt. This space allows them to be more resilient, creative, and fulfilling, rather than simply reactive to external pressures.
Here’s an example of what this might look like in practice: Maia works at a university and is frequently asked to take on projects that could advance her career. She and her life partner recently began dating another person, forming a nascent triad. Before agreeing to an extra committee role, Maia weighs the pros and cons: Will this commitment help her professionally, or will it stretch her energy so thin that her ability to nurture her expanding polycule suffers? In the end, Maia decides that the potential professional benefit is minimal compared to the cost of taking time away from her polycule. By choosing not to take on the extra responsibility, Maia preserves buffer space, allowing her triad to grow and develop without feeling rushed or constrained.
Why Relationships Stagnate Without Space
Without enough room to breathe, relationships can feel tense, overly restricted, or stuck in predictable patterns. When there’s no margin for rest, reflection, spontaneity, creativity, or pursuing new opportunities, even the strongest connections can lose their sense of possibility and shared vision for growth. Instead of expanding together, partners often find themselves simply managing stress, obligations, or scheduling logistics.
One of the most common signs of relational crowding is emotional pressure—feeling like you must always be “on,” constantly available, or continually doing something together. Over time, this shifts a relationship from a source of pleasure and connection to something that feels more like a project that always needs maintenance. Partners may notice:
Feeling trapped by routines, obligations, or lack of flexibility
Difficulty adapting when one partner’s needs shift or evolve
Feeling pressure to perform or “keep up” in the relationship
A sense of being rushed, depleted, or unable to show up fully
Without room to breathe, the relationship begins folding in on itself, leaving less space for exploration, intimacy, and shared energy. Curiosity between partners narrows, and there’s less room for the dynamic to deepen or surprise both people. Interactions feel compressed, leaving the relationship running on low emotional bandwidth. Instead of having space to co-regulate, repair, or reconnect, partners may find themselves reacting more, appreciating each other less, and missing opportunities to nourish the bond.
This lack of space also closes the door on opportunities for joy, intimacy, and connection. Relationships need unstructured room—moments of openness—for things like:
Playfulness
Sensuality and affection
Deep, meandering conversation
Mindful presence
Shared creativity
Spontaneous adventures
Without a buffer, even positive opportunities can feel overwhelming. A last-minute weekend trip might sound wonderful, but if your schedule is packed to capacity, it becomes nearly impossible to say yes. Similarly, if a partner wants to increase closeness or intimate time one week, there may not be enough emotional or practical bandwidth to engage meaningfully.
In multi-partner relationships, the need for space becomes even more crucial. Time, energy, and emotional capacity are shared resources, and without buffer, relationships can start to feel competitive or strained. Lack of spaciousness can lead to resentment, jealousy, scheduling fatigue, or emotional spillover between relationships.
For live-in partners, insufficient space often shows up in the form of being swallowed by daily responsibilities. Chores, errands, work stress, and logistics can dominate the relational landscape, leaving little room for romance, sensuality, or pleasure. Partners who care deeply about each other can unintentionally slip into a roommate dynamic without intentional separation between responsibility and connection.
In all of these situations, the result is the same: without space, relationships stagnate, strain, or slowly drift apart. They lose their sense of expansion, creativity, and growth. Just as plants become stunted when crowded by weeds or competing roots, relationships become choked by competing demands—career pressures, family obligations, chronic stress, community commitments, or an overfull polycule dynamic—when there is no room for expansion.
When partners intentionally create space around their connections, they make room for curiosity, pleasure, resilience, and surprise. They give their relationships the opportunity to expand in ways that feel organic, nourishing, and alive.
Why Leaving Space Can Feel Counterintuitive
Leaving space around a relationship can feel counterintuitive—especially for people who thrive on busyness, fear missing out (FOMO), or are energized by constant stimulation. These tendencies can push people to overcommit, leaving little room for their relationships to breathe and grow.
Neuroscience helps explain why this feels uncomfortable. Our brains crave familiarity and predictability, so if someone is used to being constantly “maxed out,” intentionally leaving space can feel strange or even anxiety-provoking. Downtime is often interpreted by the brain as something to fill, making it challenging to create intentional buffer without conscious effort.
Cultural pressures, particularly in the United States, amplify this tendency. Many people grow up internalizing the message that downtime or stepping back is laziness. In my practice as a U.S.-based therapist, I frequently work with clients who find it difficult to give themselves—or their relationships—permission to slow down, create space, and focus on enjoying the connection rather than rushing through constant activity.
Recognizing these cultural, personality-driven, and neurological pressures is the first step toward intentionally creating buffer—the space that allows relationships to thrive, adapt, and grow.
Conclusion: Give Your Relationships the Room They Deserve
Creating space in your relationships isn’t optional—it’s essential for growth, connection, and long-term satisfaction. Just as the universe needed room to expand after the Big Bang, relationships need buffer, breathing room, and intentional space to flourish. Regardless of whether your partnerships are monogamous or non-traditional, leaving room for curiosity, play, and co-creation ensures that your connections can grow in ways that are surprising, fulfilling, and deeply rewarding.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, stretched too thin, or uncertain about how to create space in your own relationships, you’re not alone. I offer individual and relationship counseling to help people navigate these challenges and create relationships that truly thrive. Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you are interested in starting counseling in Virginia, Ohio or Kentucky.